"Ten Celebrities"

"Ten Celebrities"
by Ed Colón

So one of my fellow comedy buddies whom you might know as, Chris Green, posted a blog called "Ten Celebrities" which is just what you might have though - A list of 10 people who he would like to "Get to know better."

Now, you know me, I'm Evil - I really wanted to make this blog the same thing except list normal people most of which would be related to him, but I realized that wouldn't go over all that well with the public at large because you obviously don't know them, but you would want to after I was done.

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#10. Allison Mack
You've seen her on Smallville for years

  

My nerdy semi helpless yet rock star ways makes me seem obtainable

 Other than she's hot, She has a sweet quality that I only hope is just as prevalent in real life. Simply because when she rejects me I hope I can still smile and walk away from such an angel... who's probably a lesbian if she doesn't go out with me to begin with.




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#9. Amanda Seyfried

The only thing that got straight guys through the movie "Mamma Mia"
That and the possibility of sex for sitting through that movie

This Girl, again, seems sweet, but who knows. I also find the use of who knows pretty funny because she has been in a ton of things according to IMDB and she has won some awards.

Admit it you had no clue who she was until I mentioned "Mamma Mia"



                                             


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#8. Teresa Palmer 
YOUTUBE HER AND LISTEN TO HER VOICE!!

"................damn................"

 

Teresa Palmer was in "The Grudge 2", "Bed Time Stories" with Adam Sandler, and will be in Harry Potter 47 "The Sorcerers Apprentice" 

The best Part is she's Australian and with that sweet accent she delivers the best line in the bed time stories movie
"Here's your fat mouse"

how she knew I called it my fat mouse is beyond me
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#7. KRISTEN STEWART 
She's really ..ok in that movie "Adventure Land"

 
  Sometimes I look at her and I want to hold her and keep her from being scared and cold and fucking twitchy as I whisper in her ear "Act Harder!"


I'll be honest with the whole twilight saga fame she's getting she's probably not going on my next ten celebrities list - maybe she will be on my "10 Celebrities I'd nail just to say I did"..next to Betty Paige (rip)


                                            
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#6. Hayden Panettiere

"Shave the cheerleader, save the world"


To quote my Comedy friend Kyle Stewart "Every night would be prom night with a girl that can regenerate"

I've wanted her since Remember the titans..yeah I said it

FUN FACT: She has a tattoo along her left flank in ItalianThe tattoo reads "Vivere senza rimipianti", which means "To live without regrets", but the spelling is wrong: "rimpianti"(correct spelling) doesn't have an additional "i" between the "m" and the "p".

...that wouldn't stop me

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#5. Kat Dennings

NICK AND NORAH'S INFINITE PLAY LIST
THE HOUSE BUNNY
THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN
....Raising dad on the long lost channel THE WB circa 2001 - 2002
....She's hot and a bitch - I hate Michael Cera  
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#4. KRISTEN BELL
 

"Be gentle, then rough, then my turn.."

 
Jesus, what can I say about Kristen - Other than were on a first name basis
I first saw her in reefer madness and I thought
Pretty tiny girl can sing - then she "Took the devils herb" and I thought - I can't wait to rent this, grab some tissues, and put it on mute and pleasure myself while I'm high
...too much?

She was unforgettably Sarah Marshall in forgetting Sarah Marshall
She was Veronica Mars in Veronica Mars
and she was a tempting little slut vixen every time I watch heroes
... on mute
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#3. Olivia Wilde

"So you're saying you have had an erection for 5 seasons so far?"

"My eyes says yes when my lips say nothing at all.. then they say No!"

She currently plays Dr. Remy Hadley or AKA 13 on Fox's show HOUSE M.D.
But look at her.. she can be playing the recorder in a sea of goat shit and I'd still watch and imagine.

If your the other person who saw "Year One" she was the princess
She might be the only good thing in tron
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#2. ELISHA CUTHBERT
I wish she was my girl next door... that was lame
I wish I had her captive for 24 hours... that's better

Elisha Cuthbert is amazingly attractive
You might have seen her is such IMMENSE blockbusters as
HOUSE OF WAX
THE GIRL NEXT DOOR
and she's on some rinky dink show called 24
I watched house of wax twice!...on mute
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(This was Hard to choose)

#1. Eliza Dushku

OK! I have had a thing for Eliza Dushku since that night.. I saw her play
Faith in season 3 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer
She was on Tru calling for a season and a half, and was on the hugely successful
"Doll House"
...for a season and a half..
SHE DESERVES BETTER! SHE'S A GODDESS!

Oh hey and the best part is she was brought up Mormon - So she's already brain washed! HELL YEAH! TAKE OFF THEM MAGIC UNDERWEAR HERE COMES A SCRAP RIGHT FROM THE BOTTOM OF YOUR BARREL!

So here is my formal invitation! 
Dear, Eliza
I have No money, I have really nothing to offer
But I probably can make you laugh... 
provided you laugh at mormon jokes
Contact me
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So what did we learn?
I always thought I really like brunettes more than blonds but 6 out of 10 seems to prove me wrong

I have an affinity for bad acting
(ELIZA EXCLUDED!)
...and I'm positive if I ever met
ANYONE of these lovely women
I would probably make a huge ass of myself

So that's the end of "Ten Celebrities"

Just one last thing to do before I go
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#1. Guy
Just to get it out of my system

I CALL DIBS ON PITCHING!!!

Why did I change the blog title?

The constant nagging in my head about the title of the blog "Which Begs The Question" finally prompted me to verify the grammar first hand. Wouldn't you know it, I was justified in my minor annoyance.

Which raises the question...?

"Why did I change the blog title?"

The phrase which begs the question is so over used and frankly a bit pretentious sounding. So much so that I decided to look at the possibility of it being grammatically incorrect. Lets take the base of the phrase "Which

 begs 'THE' question. So is it begging the question? Is the begging of the question before or post question? How dose one 'Beg" a question? How is 'beg' intended to imply?

Well much to my shock I simply googled it and found a metric fuck ton of info on how I was using it improperly! about 1,220,000 matches on grammar misuses of my beloved ex blog title. I knew it seemed off but I didn't know exactly how.

"Begging the question" is a form of logical fallacy in which a statement or claim is assumed to be true without evidence other than the statement or claim itself. When one begs the question, the initial assumption of a statement is treated as already proven without any logic to show why the statement is true in the first place.  http://begthequestion.info/

"For example, let's say Squiggly is trying to convince Aardvark that chocolate is healthful, and his argument is that chocolate grows on trees, so it must be healthful. Aardvark could rightly say there's no proof that something is good for you simply because it grows on a tree. Some things that grow on trees are poisonous--Chinaberry tree fruit, for example. So Squiggly's argument is based on a faulty premise." -Grammar Girl

For more of an etymology/historical view

"In 350 BCE, Aristotle originally described a logical problem where a person uses a conclusion to make an argument."

 "Aristotle's Greek was later translated into the Latin, petitio principii."

"And in the year 1581, the Latin phrase was re translated into English as begs the question."

-Grammar Grater With Luke Taylor

I even learned that this is so common and such a well known 'logical fallacy" that their was even an April fools prank played on the people who are grammar Nazi's. "DOWN WITH BTQ!" was a April fools prank, http://begthequestion.info was actually requesting a march on to Washington in protest of people who use this phrase improperly.

So in summation..

I done talk gooder than this and I reckon this blog on this her interweb should represent me as a cunning linguist that's why I up and quickly shit canned the old blog title... I reckon.  -Me

Who am I?

I have written one blog, one, ONE, 1, Uno, ichi and somehow I have received several 'pointers' possibly you can call them constructive criticism from people who "Really Blog." I honestly received six critiques mainly saying the same thing. "Who are you?" "Why should we care if we don't know you?" and mostly "So this is what you did that day.. just thought about this all day? be more personal talk about what you did and what your planning and stuff no one wants to hear your opinion on things." So in mature retort: 

"Go Fuck something related to yourself!"

I was under the impression that this is MY blog, I can post the words "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" 2938472984 times and post it everyday if I wanted to. This pretentious assumption that I have to write every move of everyday seems not only exhausting but a tad bit self absorbed. I understand people are voyeuristic and inclined to snoop in others business but I assure you nothings all that special with me.
Which begs the question..?

"Who am I?" 

Fine! I'm an out of work Comedian, out of work in both respects. I pay my few bills with guitar lessons I teach and charge for. Since the last time I wrote blog 1, I have applied at 23 places with no production. I have a 3 year old girl named Zoey who means so much to me to ridiculous, yet I still have to fight my depression just to get out of bed - of course that's after I stare at the ceiling looking for another reason just to keep breathing. I know, I know, I can hear it now "Isn't she enough to live for?" Well yes, but much like any drug you can build a tolerance. Horrible I know, but I'm also honest. I have this over inflated sense of right and wrong and this horrible ability to understand most to all aspects of life. I know myself enough to know my problems and isolate them, however lately it's been a very heavy fucking blanket of crap which makes it hard to care about anything. About 4 months ago I got diagnosed with Liver disease and if I don't fix that by losing weight I'll be in a world of shit. Well, I've lost 35 LBS and I still have a problem... I keep wanting to fight because that's all I do, fight. I assume much like a few other people, I noticed I don't know how to have fun. I'm either uncomfortable or blah.

Liver keeps hurting, need to get it checked I hope it hurts because it's regenerating...
BTW I don't drink, ain't that a fucking bitch.. should have had a few kegs
OK..  Two long Island Ice teas and my panties are in the air.

I don't know why I decided to write this, and this meaning all of this, this blog in general and this specific blog. I can only assume it is to purge demons.. I have a lot of demons.
   
I don't remember where I hear that writing is cathartic.. I guess we'll see. 

Anyhow, Back to the main question of the blog this time around.. Who am I? Isn't that the MAIN question life? I laughed the first time someone asked me "Who are you?"
I responded with "Ed." The guy got all quiet leans close to me, and looks into my eyes and asks.
"Who's Ed?" Without missing a beat, I leaned in close to him, looked into his eyes and say.
"Still me"
He then started the preach to the small group of people I was with about how that question, and how it is what we all must try to answer and learn from. I cut him off to ask 
"Wait? Everyone has been asking this question?!'
"Why yes son" I turned to my group of friends "I'm Ed.. We hung out last week.. smoked pot remember?"
Then the guy made it all general about how we have to find out who we are as people on this planet. At that point I gave up giving a shit and messing with the guy was getting boring.


That's it...



No revelation, no "His words stuck with me.." nothing. Just a funny story including a possibly insane homeless guy, that's all. Nothing more. You want the gift of age? Fine here it is.

Being just humble enough to know whatever you learned today is nothing new, just new to you, so you can't be arrogant about how well you know yourself because you'll simply get older, and in doing so evolve, and in doing so feel like your previous self was a fucking idiot.


Today is my Mother's birthday she's 62. Today she's my reason to keep breathing. She's a great mother and a great friend.


PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE! THEY EVOLVE! What they evolve into isn't always pretty, hell sometimes it's down right horrifying or pathetic, but they will, and they do and they will always be. Some people just replace crack with Jesus.


As for my friends -Well on Facebook I have 297 - but that means nothing. I actually only hang with 4 people, The mother of my child and best friend Rebbecca, My friends, Jeff, Jason and Chris. The best part about these particular people? I don't need them, and they don't need me - We stay in each other orbit because in one capacity or another we enjoy being around each other and we choose to and when we don't see each other for weeks or months on end.. nothing changes.
Simple, elegant and usually non-drama.I have other friend in other states and a few right here in town I would call close but life gets in the way and when two lives get in the way it's hard to get around to play pool.


My father instilled a very strict ideal of what a provider should be, weather or not that's my path it feel terrible not to provide for me or my small extended family. Something needs to give and with a quickness because I'm failing. Unfortunately you can't walk into a place and demand a job at gun point. 

(ONION MOVIE)
I couldn't afford a gun anyhow, let alone bullets! Rocks?! I might throw rocks..

It's hard to have hopes and dreams or even nice idea's without the means to carry them out because then all you are really doing (in my case of course) Is wasting time. I hate wasting time, maybe that's why I made this blog... hmmm evolving...

So Who am I?
I'm a comedian who doesn't laugh
I'm a rat on a wheel with a bum filter in his gut.
I'm a biker without a bike because I deemed other things too important as they were.
I'm in a quarter life crisis in which I feel like every word is a waste of time.
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother.. that one's not me
I'm a sinner who doesn't believe in absolution
I'm a musician who can't feel the music anymore
I think a lot of people are idiots
I'm a fighter fighting myself and a small gang of life.. life has chains, and nun-chucks!
I think we as a people put too much stock in sides instead of issues
I believe your past, or disease don't have to define you
and I believe that hardest thing in life is to keep breathing, keep fighting, and keep looking for what can make you happy without over looking the things that just make you content. It's not a bad thing to want better, in fact I think that bettering yourself needs to be a goal.
I am a father of the best little girl in the world and I wouldn't change that for anything money or god could provide. The only thing of note in my world that stands out is not the shows I have performed at or the thousands I have made laugh: It's being a father to her. I'll always love you Zoey.
I don't think being a control freak is a bad thing, but you (I) have to learn that there is a lot out of control.
Like mining for gold in the dark I always felt like I was on the verge of something great always looking for whats next. Take a breath, and make it happen. No one can do it for you.

Hope this answered your question